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The Mental Load of Motherhood & How to Lighten It
Motherhood is often described as a full-time job, but in reality, it’s more like three jobs in one. From keeping track of everyone’s schedules to remembering when the last nappy change was, mums carry an invisible mental burden that is exhausting, overwhelming, and often unnoticed.
This mental load – the never-ending to-do list running in your mind – can lead to burnout, stress, and even resentment. But you don’t have to carry it all alone!
What Is the Mental Load?
The mental load isn’t just about doing things – it’s about constantly thinking about things that need to be done. It’s the planning, organising, remembering, and anticipating that comes with managing a household and family. Feel like you have 80 thousand tabs open at once? Me too!
“Did I book the doctor’s appointment?”
“We’re out of nappies again – better add it to the shopping list.”
“What’s for dinner tonight? Do we have all the ingredients?”
Sound familiar? The mental load is constant, and because it’s mostly invisible, it often goes unnoticed by partners or family members.
Why Is It So Heavy for Mums?
While parenthood is a shared responsibility, studies show that mums still do the bulk of the mental and emotional labour – even in homes where both parents work. This happens for a few reasons:
➡ Societal expectations – Women are often seen as the ‘default parent,’ responsible for managing the home and children.
➡ Multitasking overload – Mums juggle everything from meal planning to childcare to remembering birthdays. We’re good at it and it’s easier to just do it rather than explain what you need.
➡ Guilt & pressure – Many mums feel they ‘should’ be able to handle it all and struggle to ask for help.
The result? Exhaustion, resentment, and a feeling of never being ‘off duty.’
How to Lighten the Mental Load
The good news? You don’t have to carry it all alone. Here’s how to start lightening the load:
1. Delegate Without Guilt
Mums often feel like they have to do everything themselves to get it done ‘right.’ But you don’t have to be the only one in charge! Start asking for the baby bag to be packed rather than automatically just doing it. Before you go to do something, rethink – could you ask someone else to do it and have a break? Most likely, the answer is YES, the other person just didn’t realise you needed it!
2. Make a plan and stick to it!
📅 Use a calendar app – Google Calendar or a family organiser app can help track appointments and commitments.
Seeing it all on the app, live, leaves nothing to memory and it’s saved us from a missed birthday party or World Book Day dress-up more times than I can remember! Thank you Google 🙏
📝 Meal plan in advance – Avoid daily decision fatigue by planning meals for the week. It also helps the other parent to see it on the plan and think, “fajitas tonight? Cool, I’ll crack on with that then”, rather than starting the dreaded, “what do you fancy tonight?”, “Dunno, you?”, “Dunno”.
Which always reminds me of one of my favourite Dylan Moran lines; “you then sit on your arse eating bread – from the bag – dipping it anything runnier than bread!” So fucking true 😂
3. Prioritise ‘You Time’
Your needs matter too. Make time for yourself, even if it’s just small moments:
🌿 Morning coffee alone – A 10-minute break before the chaos begins.
🏃♀️ Exercise – A short walk, yoga, or a fitness class just for you.
📖 Hobby time – Reading, journaling, or doing something just because you enjoy it.
It’s not selfish – it’s essential for your mental health.
4. Communicate the Mental Load
Sometimes, partners or family members simply don’t realise how much you’re carrying. They can’t see inside your brain (can you imagine what a crazy web they would see if they could 🫣).
💬 Explain the invisible work – “I’m not just doing the school run; I’m also remembering uniforms, lunchboxes, and forms.”
💬 Ask for solutions together – Work as a team to share the load fairly. Planning, asking for help, setting aside tasks for each of you to complete.
💬 Be honest about stress – Letting people know when you’re overwhelmed helps avoid burnout. Don’t bottle it up!
Final Thoughts
Motherhood doesn’t have to mean doing it all, all the time. By sharing responsibilities, setting boundaries, and making time for yourself, you can lighten the mental load and feel more balanced. There really is truth in the line, “it takes a village”, and I never appreciated how much you CANNOT be an island until I had my children.
It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to let things go. And most importantly, it’s okay to take care of yourself too. 💜
Just keep moving girls ❤️